The Grass is Green



In this episode, we will discuss a topic that i’ve been exploring for a long time- the ideas of perfectionism, social comparison, fear of missing out, and the grass is greener syndrome. 

In a world where we are more connected than ever, globalization, social media and ease of communication makes it so easy to compare your life to others. You compare your “behind the scenes” with other people’s “highlight reel”. This makes it so easy to fantasize ideals and seek perfection. 

Improvement and kaizen seems healthy, but where is the line between a healthy desire for improvement and unhealthy perfectionism?

Millennials now have a reputation as the job-hopping generation. A recent gallup poll reports that 21% of millennials say that they have changed jobs within the past year, which is 3 times the number of non millennials reporting the same. This is a costly turnover that drains $30.5 billion from the economy annually. 

I wonder if the “grass is greener” mindset contributes to this. 

One feature of the grass is greener syndrome is the fear of entrapment. There are also several contributing factors, including fear of loss of individuality, and fear of oppression. There is also the fantasy of perfection. The perfect life, job, living situation, relationship. The fantasy that perfection is out there breeds a constant craving for something more. Something that is really really good suddenly becomes not good enough. 

I wonder if there is a lack of mindfulness that permeates this experience. If you are constantly wondering if there is something better and more perfect out there, are you fully experiencing and making the best of the relationship, job, friendship, city, state, location that you’re in?

What I see commonly is that people project internal unhappiness and dissatisfaction onto an external object. After the honeymoon phase, the once caring, tender, loving partner is now seen as passive, docile, and uninspiring; the strong, structured, willful mate is now
seen as rigid and overbearing; and the once promising, challenging career is now seen as overwhelming and demanding. 

We seek a “new high”- the internal excitement that comes with novelty, the dopamine rush that is associated with constant stimulation. Once that sensation wears off, the dissatisfaction ensues, and the cycle begins again. 

Acceptance of reality seems, to me, like a possible way out of this cycle. In his book “all i really need to know i learned in kindergarten” Robert Fulghum said- the grass is in fact not greener on the other side. its not about the fence at all, the grass is greenest where it is watered

This is not a prescription to stay in a situation that isn’t working- like a toxic relationship or a job that doesn’t serve you well. Sometimes do you need to leave bad environments to find new ones. 

This is a calling to think twice about your motivations, to think through your fears and fantasies and question your own true desires.

This has been another episode of the Nomad show. I hope you enjoyed it. 

For show notes, visit thenomadshow.com, follow us on  twitter @nomadshowtweets


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